Friday, February 22, 2008

Free Federal Government Closing News, Jokes, Comments

Why is the Federal Government Closing late, closing early, taking vacations in the middle of everyone else working?

This transcript provides some of the reasons:

Federal Diary Live -
"What are the procedures used for closing and reopening the government because of bad weather, such as snowstorms and ice storms? How do officials at the Office of Personnel Management make the decision?"

And then there's this video:

Jokes about the government:
Government Office Rules
  1. If it rings, put it on hold.
  2. If it clanks, call the repairman.
  3. If it whistles, ignore it.
  4. If it's a friend, take a break.
  5. If it's the boss, look busy.
  6. If it talks, take notes.
  7. If it's handwritten, type it.
  8. If it's typed, copy it.
  9. If it's copied, file it.
  10. If it's Friday, forget it.
- - - -
YouKnow You Work for the Government If...
  • When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
  • You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
  • Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your best jokes.
  • Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
  • You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
  • Computer specialists know less about computers than your teenager.
  • Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.
  • You see a good looking person and know they are a visitor.
  • Management thinks a business trip with uncompensated mandatory weekend travel is perk.
  • Although you have a telephone, pager, E-mail, FAX, company distribution, Fed-X, US mail and coworkers sitting right on the other side of the partition ... communication is a continuing problem.
  • You know, and everyone that works with you knows, your performance is superior, but "satisfactory" is the highest level on the documented performance rating.
  • You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"

Go Thunk Yourself!(TM)

What do
Napoleon Hill - author of Think and Grow Rich,
Norman Vincent Peale - author of The Power of Positive Thinking,
Dale Carnegie
- author of How to Win Friends and Influence People,
Stephen Covey - author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

all have in common?

They all THUNK the same way.

These and other authors discovered the same basic secrets behind wealth, success, and fame.

Each of these authors became wealthy, successful, and famous by applying these secrets.

You can too.

This book's simple 14-day program allows you to re-create your own life, just the way you want it to be!

All you have to do is invest some time each day to read these simple chapters and do the exercises.

You can learn these secrets and start taking control over your own life, to start achieving the riches, fame and success you've always dreamed of.

Your Dreams CAN BECOME Reality!

Federal Government quotes (and "regular" government, too):

The way people in democracies think of the government as something different from themselves is a real handicap. And, of course, sometimes the government confirms their opinion. ~Lewis Mumford, in Anne Chisholm, Philosophers of the Earth: Conversations with Ecologists, 1972

It might be more worthwhile if we stopped wringing our hands and started ringing our congressmen. ~Author Unknown The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. ~Winston Churchill

If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops. ~Kelvin Throop

We are imperfect. We cannot expect perfect government. ~William Howard Taft

Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor. ~James Russell Lowell

Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. ~George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, "Maxims: Education," 1905

In the absence of justice, what is sovereignty but organized robbery? ~St. Augustine

Democracy: The state of affairs in which you consent to having your pocket picked, and elect the best man to do it. ~Benjamin Lichtenberg

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. ~P.J. O'Rourke

No man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent. ~Abraham Lincoln

Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true. ~Polish Proverb

The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them. ~Karl Marx

Governments should not possess instruments of coercion and violence denied to their citizens. ~Edgar A. Suter

Our government... teaches the whole people by its example. If the government becomes the lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for law; it invites every man to become a law unto himself; it invites anarchy. ~Louis Brandeis

A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away. ~Barry Goldwater

Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of Government except all those others that have been tried from time to
time. ~Winston Churchill

Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you
don't think. ~Author Unknown

The cure for capitalism's failing would require that a government would have to rise above the interests of one class alone. ~Robert L. Heilbroner

Majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. Because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper. ~Larry Flynt

Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it. ~Richard Lamm

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate? ~Will Rogers

Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln. ~Will Rogers

If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. (It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft.) Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all the organizations with titles beginning with the word National. ~George Will

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. ~Will Rogers

Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens - and then everybody disagrees. ~Boris Marshalov

Our political institutions work remarkably well. They are designed to clang against each other. The noise is democracy at work. ~Michael Novak

I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it. ~Alexander Woollcott

The worst thing in this world, next to anarchy, is government. ~Henry Ward Beecher, Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit, 1887

People come to Washington believing it's the center of power. I know I did. It was only much later that I learned that Washington is a steering wheel that's not connected to the engine. ~Richard Goodwin

Democracy is the only system that persists in asking the powers that be whether they are the powers that ought to be. ~Sydney J. Harris

A civil servant is sometimes like a broken cannon - it won't work and you can't fire it. ~George S. Patton

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. ~Herbert Hoover, attributed

It's not the voting that's democracy; it's the counting. ~Tom Stoppard, Jumpers

Talk is cheap - except when Congress does it. ~Cullen Hightower


Secrets to the Law of Attraction

AS FEATURED in the underground hit movie, "The Secret", the Law of Attraction has quickly become a working tool in the everyone's survival kit.

You may not be aware of all the
secrets that have been written through the ages about this Law.

The Law of Attraction Classics series is composed from carefully selected bestselling authors who define and add to the theory and practice in using the Law of Attraction.

The idea and purpose behind this series is to make these classics again available so that you can study and understand the principles at work in this Universe.

This single volume was produced from excerpts out of this series for your immediate use.

You can change your life using the Law of Attraction - but you have to know how to use it to do so...

Sign up today for a free ecourse on the Law of Attraction.